Yet Another Update

Well, we went in for more blood work this morning to make sure the little fellas are growing.  My number's came back really, really strong.  I was so relieved!  I feel like I can let myself believe that I'm actually pregnant now.  I was much, much, much more nervous today than I was on Monday.  Just to hear that it/they were growing and growing strong....PHEW!  Okay, details!  My HCG was at 366.  Given that number compared to the 86 on Monday, something is growing strong!  I wouldn't be entirely surprised if it was twins but there is a good chance it's only one.  Definitely not triplets!!  I hate to admit it but that is definitely a relief.  I have been having anxiety attacks about possibly having triplets--that would make 6 kids under 6 so don't judge me!

Next step is ultrasound on either June 7th or 8th.  CANNOT WAIT!  Seriously, I am so excited!  And that's how we're rolling for now!  Currently I am wearing 3 estrogen patches that I switch out every 2 days that costs $15 each.  Yeah, we sound like "high rollers" but we're not!  Then I am receiving a horrible progesterone oil shot every night.  I feel like I have a massive sandbar on each of my butt cheeks from these shots.  They wake me up at night because I rock from one side of the lump to the other in my sleep and it feels like you're rolling over a bruise.  Not to complain...just trying to record the realities of it all for the future.  I still have to get my blood drawn every week to test all my levels.  All oft that stuff will go on until I am 11 or so weeks and then I will be officially done with all of the stuff that makes my pregnancy unique and just be a normal prego girl.  That's it for now!

The News

Truth be told: we cheated.  We kind of knew the results on Saturday with home tests.  Those of you who know me well should be not be surprised at this news.  I am a "million miler" type customer at the Dollar Tree.  In case you didn't know, they have one dollar pregnancy tests that are very accurate.  I buy a lot of them.  However, this time I splurged and spent $6 on two tests at Target.  I felt like this was a special occasion and I thought it was okay to splurge.  They were accurate.  Twice.

This morning we went in for blood work and.....DRUM ROLL....I am pregnant!  Oh my goodness, it feels so weird to say that!  A matter of fact, it has not sunk it at all.  At all.  It is crazy awesome, amazing, miraculous.  I feel greatly indebted to so many people, most of all, Heavenly Father.  I don't know why he chose to give us this miracle right now when there are so many amazing wonderful people out there who need one just as much as us (you know who you are!).  Nevertheless, I will take it!

The coolest thing was shopping at Target today and looking at the maternity section and thinking that I can legitimately shop there right now.  I didn't, but I could have.  One of my favorite past times is browsing the maternity section and dreaming of wearing the clothes!  Now I actually can!!

The breakdown: my HCG level was at 86.  With Cooper my level at this point was at 54, so comparatively 86 is a very solid number for me.  Don't get excited yet, that doesn't mean it's twins or triplets!  They didn't think Cooper's embryo would make it so that just means this one is probably healthier, growing stronger.  I go back in Thursday to make sure my numbers are increasing as they should....cross all of our fingers and toes!  Then in 2 weeks I will go in for an ultrasound and that's when we will know how many little monkeys we have inside.

For now we are ecstatic!!!!!  A little nervous about it all still, but very, very excited and happy!  Also, very humbled.  We have learned a great deal about friendship, relationships, and the importance of being there for others when they are going through trials. You guys have taught us so, so much!  Thank you for your continued support.  We feel like when this baby comes that it will be a part of so many people who have donated money, thoughts, fasting, and prayers.  The heart is claimed but feel free to pick any other body parts!!!:)

We will be sure to continue to update!!!

Lovely day to all!

Update and Gratitude

I don't have much to update on but I thought I would continue the posts.  Really the only change we have had since I last updated is that our 4th embryo that they grew for another day, sadly, did not make it and was discarded.  So, we have no frozen embryos...bummer.  It seems that, for one reason or another, Jake's and my stuff do not like each over very well!  The frustrating thing is there is no obvious reason why we have such a high fall-off rate.  Our doctor won't really talk with us about solutions or alterations until we find out if we are pregnant or not.  We would never do another IVF cycle so it would seem that it doesn't really matter what happened or why BUT we still really want to know if for nothing else but to know.  We are still waiting for Monday.  This week has C-R-A-W-L-E-D by.  I am trying my best to stuff it with activity but it still goes by slowly.  I am over half-way done with the wait so that's progress!

On a more positive note we had an amazing, amazing MIRACLE happen today.  We received a VERY generous "donation to the cause" in the mail today.  Totally anonymous and totally generous.  We are so very humbled by the generosity of loved ones.  We feel like so many people have sacrificed for us from finances to babysitting to prayers and fasting to 2 liters of Diet Coke for sanity!  The overwhelming lesson that Jake and I have taken from this experience is that we literally laid our faith on the altar and just said, here it is, Lord, do with it what you may!  And the Lord has blessed us.  I say this before I know the results because I want it "recorded" that , come what may, we have seen the Lord's hand in our lives throughout this process.  So many paths have been opened to us to be able to do this financially: donations, the opportunity for me to work next year, people hiring us for odd jobs, the ability to obtain a loan.  Then emotionally we have had an astounding amount of support.  I am so grateful we have been able to share our experience with other's as it has lent us so many shoulders to share our burdens.  Please know that we are grateful.  So very, very grateful.  When I called Jake to tell him about the check we received today we both talked about how excited we are to one day have enough money to be able to bless others as we have been blessed.  If we are successful in our future dental field dreams then that will be one of the things we will be most adamant about-using our money to bless others as we have been blessed!

I promise to update on Monday, negative or positive.  I am nervous, anxious, and excited.  Until then...

Transfer Update

So this is the part I've been dreading: when things stop going perfectly!  This morning was a hard morning and, admittedly, I should have mentally prepared myself a little bit better than I did.  My downfall in this whole process is that I have been very optimistic and hopeful.  Not to say that's not a good thing, but a healthy dose of "reality" never hurt anyone!

I went in this morning around 11 for my transfer and was anxious as ever to hear about the progress of the embryos since I haven't heard anything since Tuesday.  I had to drink 30 oz of water an hour before I came in to make sure my bladder was full so my uterus would sit lower.  I had to pee pretty bad and they kept pressing down on my bladder with the ultrasound--and none too gently!  After waiting for a while they took me back to the procedure room and then the doctor came in and I was sweating bullets!  He immediately informed us (Jake was on the phone) that we only had 4 embryos left.  My heart just dropped.  I was so, so hopeful that by some miracle our results would be drastically different than last time.  I will say that 4 live embryos is much better than last time but the thing about all 4 of these embryos is that they were all growing slow.  They should have all been in the "blastocyst" stage but they were all behind, growing slower than normal.  In my emotional state I neglected to ask if they were even still growing but I assume he would have mentioned it otherwise.  We decided that we would put 3 of the 4 embryos back in.  The fact that we even had an option of putting 3 instead of just 2 embryos in is very telling.  They are going to grow the last embryo to day 6 and if it keeps growing we will freeze it, otherwise we will just discard it.  After watching them put the embryos in I had to lay down for another hour.  My bladder was absolutely bursting at this point and I almost ran out very immodestly just to relieve myself!

I really don't know what to feel about our chances right now.  I got no percentages from the doctor-I didn't even ask because I was just digesting all of the information.  I was very disappointed this morning, shed lots of tears in my hotel bed (yes, I am on bed rest for a day).  I really thought things would be different this time.  Another reason for my sadness is that I feel this really is the end of an era of hope for us.  Now that we have had two fairly bum IVF cycles I officially feel "infertile" (the first one obviously turned out great, but medically speaking it should not have worked).  Duh, right?  I had always felt we would find a solution but now I feel like that hope is gone.  I am so, so grateful for the children and each of the miracles that we have been blessed with.  I am just now realizing what an AMAZING miracle Ethan is.  Wow!  We may very well get pregnant this time too which would be nothing short of another miracle.  I am not shutting the door to that possibility like I did the first time.  Jake feels a lot more hopeful about a positive result this time than last time and I have to admit I do also.  However, the cycle has definitely not worked out ideally like I was hoping!  

Here's to hoping!  Please continue to keep us in your prayers and thank you for doing so thus far.  I will have my blood work pregnancy test next Monday, the 21st.  For those of you who unfortunately witnessed my "breakdown" after my first cycle, please rest assure that I am doing fine.  I don't feel depressed, just saddened.  I probably won't answer my phone today as I just want some time to work it all out in my head!  Please know that we are grateful for all of the support and I/we have really felt the comfort of your prayers today and that is what we needed most of all!

Good News

Well, we got good news today and I started shaking with relief and happiness when I heard.  Of the 15 eggs they got out of me, 14 of them fertilized today!  Yeah!  That is HUGE news for us!  Not all of them will make it to transfer day, but 14 is a very good number right now.  We will just continue to follow their progress and hope that they divide like they are supposed to!

With that lovely news also comes the news that the transfer will be on Saturday if nothing catastrophic happens--cross all of my fingers and all of my toes!  Last time we had good news until we went in for our transfer but I know our doctor here is AMAZING so I'm hoping we won't run into the same issue!

On more entertaining news--the fun continues here!  Today I swallowed 8 pills, put 3 estrogen patches on my abdomen, and gave myself one huge honkin' tonkin' shot tonight of oil.  Not fun to do get when administered by someone else, especially not fun to administer to yourself--almost impossible physically.  Oh well, I don't think the front desk guy would feel very comfortable giving me a shot in my booty!  My body looks like a bit of a mine field right now.  I have a huge bruise on my right hand from the IV yesterday and I think they must have given me another something in my left inner elbow because I now have a huge bruise there and then some funky red blood tracing thing all the way up my arm.  I have bruises in my tummy from shots that hit blood vessels and I have a big bruise on my right foot from dropping a chair on it.  Good thing Jake isn't here so no one can accuse him of spousal abuse!

Today I got to sleep in until 8 here, only 7 at home.  For some reason I cannot sleep here--what a missed opportunity!  I then got to work out for 90 minutes--it was so nice!  I am listening to a fun book on my Ipod, "Divergent" by Veronica Roth.  I just kept going and going on the treadmill because I don't want to turn the book off.  Then I worked for about 5 hours in the library on preschool for next year.  Feels so good to be productive!  I went to a huge mall out here, and proudly, left with no purchases!  It's not very fun to buy clothes, etc., when you are putting the pounds on by the minute.  Living in a hotel is not good news for me!

Once again, thank you so much to everyone who is supporting us and anxiously awaiting all of our news.  So far, so good--too good!  Yeah!  

How Many Eggs Are In My Basket?

I know EVERYONE is anxiously awaiting what happened this morning!  Right?  Well, we did go in this morning and it is the coolest thing ever to be knocked out and wake up the next second and have no idea that time has passed and something invasive has been performed--but you didn't have to feel it!  In the end, they were able to get 15 eggs out of me.  I was a little disappointed with the number since we got 22 the first time.  However, after speaking with the doctor I feel a lot better about the number.  Typically women "my age" usually get 10-12 eggs retrieved.  I am learning that a higher number of eggs doesn't necessarily mean the cycle is better-the more eggs you have the lesser quality they are.  So, 15 is good enough for me.  We will find out in the morning how many fertilized and how many eggs matured.  That is big news for us.  Then we will determine, as they watch them grow, whether to do a 3 or 5 day transfer.

As for the emotions of the day...I am pretty sure I was doing some pretty funny things when I came out of my anesthesia.  I have been having some pretty serious cramping all day but that's probably largely due to the fact that I wasn't on bed rest like I was supposed to be.  I am still pretty achy down under.  Jake and I got to go see the Chicago Temple, which is gorgeous, we went to Wrigley Field, and then wasted $13 on parking (YES, PARKING!) only to find out that the Hancock Tower costs $15 each to go up on an elevator.  We chose not to do it.  What a WASTE!  Jake is on his way back to ABQ and it took me almost 2 hours to drive about 50 miles back to my hotel in all the traffic.  Oh well!  I also learned tonight that going to dinner by yourself is not only embarrassing, but no one expects you to be on your own so they don't serve you until you finally tell them you've been sitting there for 20 minutes without service.  Thank heavens for Kindle's so I can at least look a little occupied while just trying not to be embarrassed to be on my own.

More to come tomorrow...

Chicago!

 Jake and I arrived in Chicago last night.  It feels very odd to not tote around 3 car seats, not buckle anyone in, and especially not to take all of the kids out of the strollers and take their shoes off to go through security.  I am NOT complaining.  Actually we just talked to the kids for the first time since we arrived and I just then realized that I miss them.  I mean, I love them but I'm having fun with my new found, and short lived, freedom!

 After going in for blood work this morning we hit up the local church for a really nice, and needed, testimony meeting.  We are so glad we went to church because the rest of the day certainly wasn't kept Sabbath appropriate!

 We got to tour the Jelly Belly factory and spent a little too much money on edible souveniers for the kids and Grammy...and for us!

 We drove into Wisconsin and ran through the rain to catch a picture of Lake Michigan.  By the way, it is cold here!  All we brought was shorts and summer clothes so we were totally caught off guard.  We have both purchased sweatshirts since last night!

We are excited for tomorrow morning.  I am going in at 8 AM, getting some anesthesia so they can take out my little eggs and Jake will do his part too.  We will know tomorrow how many eggs we have but we won't know until Tuesday how many fertilized and stuff.  As of now, if we have a day 3 transfer then it will be Thursday, but if we have more than 8 embryos that are doing well then we will have a day 5 transfer, which will be Saturday.

Thank you to everyone for your support and prayers and fasting and messages of love!  We are so grateful for all of our loved ones and their thoughts.  We promise to keep updating!  Loves!

Delays

This is kind of gross but also kind of makes me laugh.  I told the lady giving me the ultrasound today that I feel like I have a couple dozen scrambled eggs in my stomach.  I feel so bloated!  It looks like I have about 24 follicles in my ovaries.  I asked her if it was normal for me to feel so bloated and she explained why it was.  Your ovaries are normally about 2 cm...well, my follicles are going to be about 2 cm each when they take them out which means my ovaries are about 10 times the normal size right now.  I feel 6 months pregnant but without the kicking baby!  They are encouraging me to drink a lot of water and consume a lot of protein to avoid hyperstimulations-a real chance for me since I'm responding so well to the medication!

The bad news is that we've been delayed a day of the trigger shot which means that we will have my eggs taken out on Monday instead of Sunday.  So Jake will have to miss a day of work and I will probably have to stay until Monday whereas I thought I could come home Saturday and spend Mother's Day at home.  Oh well, instead I will spend Mother's Day alone, but very relaxed, in a hotel.

We are still flying out tomorrow around 3 which I am really starting to look forward to.  Is it bad that I am excited to spend 9 days on my own?  No, I don't think it's bad!

Update!

This will be quick but I thought I would update really quick.  I have been going to the doctor for monitoring all week, every other day.  This morning went well.  I have about 13 follicles on one side and 11 or 12 on the other.  They are all about 10-14ish mm which is good to have them all the same size.  My biggest one was 18 mm!  Basically, when I talked to my doctors in Chicago they think they will give me my trigger shot tomorrow which means we will be on schedule to retrieve my eggs and fertilize them on Sunday!  That also means that they will put the embryos back in on Friday and I might be able to make it home for Mother's Day...or I might just take those few days to relax!!  We will see.  I am feeling quite bloated and still pretty tired but we are both really excited for this next week.  I will be more than excited to stop going to the doctor so often, and especially excited to stop getting ultrasounds with all three of my kids in the room!  How do you explain what the stir-ups are for?:)