Sunday, May 16, 2010

Do Not Assume

I realize I haven't written a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY post and figure it's about time to post on my life again anyhow.  First of all, I had a wonderful mother's day but I agree with my sister-in-law in that no sane person would ever "schedule" mother's day on Sunday.  No matter how pleasant your husband's try to make it, Sunday's are just crazy HARD!  Jake did his best and I felt very special.  Thank you so much, honey!

On the other hand, it always makes me reflect on my feelings about being a mom.  I had one of those "holding my kids and I realized how much I loved them in that aching way you simply can't put into words" moments recently.  I don't have those very often but when I do it makes me feel like a mother bear protecting my cubs.  It makes me realize how fiercely I defend my role as mother.

We were having a discussion recently in playgroup about having children and how people like to make you feel crazy for wanting to have more than 1 or 2 kids.  This discussion made me realize a few things...thus, my sermon:

I remember when Jake first asked me, "You know what assume means, right?"  Well...just break the word down and you'll figure it out. 
The point assuming something you stand to make a fool of yourself.

I have, in my short life as a stay at home mother, had many people assume some things about me.  I get the craziest stares in grocery stores. 

I found this list of crazy assumptions on another blog.  I adjusted some of them for my life, but for the most part I totally agreed with this lady. 

1) My job as a stay at home mom will not be done when my kids are all in please don't assume that it will be. I have no intention of ever getting a "real" job again.

2) Do not assume that I am a stay at home mom due to any of the following:
being lazy, being uneducated, being weak willed (ie. my husband makes me), not wanting to get a "real" job, being overprotective, being controlling or that I have no other choice.

3) Please don't assume that I am dying for the day that I can get back into the work world and get a "real" job. I am doing my "real" job.

4) Please do not assume that my college education is "going to waste" because I don't have a "real" job. My job is "real" and I use my education on a daily basis.
Imagine that.

5) Please do not assume that because I am a stay at home mom, that my schedule is any more open than yours. No, I cannot run your errands, etc, because I don't have a "real" job and therefore must be overflowing with free time that I am desperate for you to fill.

6) Please don't assume that part of my reasoning for being a stay at home mom is because I believe that no one else can raise my children as well as I can.

Actually...this one is true.

7) Do not assume that I watch Oprah.

8) Do not assume that your job is more important than mine just because you get a paycheck.
My treasure is in Heaven.

9) Do not assume that I am "so lucky" that I get to stay home.
Luck has nothing to do with it.
We make sacrifices every day to make sure that I am able
to stay home with my kids.

10) And lastly, don't assume that I want your pity because I "have to" stay at home with my kids. It is my choice and I LOVE it. I love it. I love it. I feel as though I am fulfilling God's greatest purpose for a woman...being a mom and caring for my family.

I fully love my job of staying at home.  I love the up's and the down's of being a mom.  I love the things that I learn about myself every day.  I love the tears of frustration and ache that I shed much too often.  I love it because I am learning things about myself that I didn't know.  I am growing in ways I did not know were possible or were in me.  I am becoming someone different through the little ones in my life.  I am grateful for that.  I am grateful for being a mother.
I am grateful for the mother who trusted me to raise her son.  I hope I am making her proud.  I am trying, I am failing on occasion, but I am trying.  I love my babies and in the end, that's all that really matters. 


Jen said...

I shared my feelings about raising children the other day with some friends: when you invite a child into your life, when you ask them to come by the actions that you take, they are YOUR responsibility, not anyone else's. They are your responsibility to teach, care for, feed, etc. as much as you are physically and financially able to do so.

Of course, everyone situation is unique and every person and family has to make their own choices, but I feel very strongly that your children are your own responsibility.

There was silence on the other end of that conversation. Perhaps I shouldn't have shared my strong opinion.

I knew as I thought about it later that there are some people that would agree with me. . . and I knew that it would be my BYU sisters. And, you just reinforced that Emily!

Hope you had an excellent Mother's Day. :) You deserve it.

The Thomas Family said...

I love it!!
Darn I missed that conversation at play group.
Great post!!
I love the picture with Luke's birth mom.

Cameron said...

Thank you for putting it into words! Love you!

Jessica Sedgwick said...

That was good to read, Emily. You're a great mom. Having kids is a huge responsibility that I don't think any of us even realize until they are grown up! I learn that more every day.

Shapiro said...

Amen. You're an awesome mother Emily!

Chad and Carole said...

Ditto to the Amen!

Anonymous said...

Love it! Totally agree.

The Child Family said...

I seriously want to copy that assumption section and post it on my blog too. Amazingly put!!!!!

Grant and Shalie Morgan said...

That was the MOST perfect post ever! I agree with it all :) You are an excellent mom!

Debbie/Mom said...

Amen and Amen!!! Coming from a "stay at home grammy!" I love that you and Jamie and Shalie take being a mom so it!!! You all have the luckiest kids in the world! (And that goes for all you other stay at home moms too!)

Karen said...

#5 is big for me -- and other stay-at-home moms seem to be the worst about it. I have a schedule and a routine that fills my days from 5:30 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. If I do something out of that routine, something has to go undone. It's more than a full time job and has to be orchestrated very carefully for me to feel successful. I don't like that other moms seem to think that I should want to leave my home during the day. I like being a stay-at-HOME mom! I like that you take this job seriosly too!

The Allred Family said...

I think you are making Melissa proud. Lukey is so lucky! Also...I LOVE that list about motherhood. Numero cinco needs to be forwarded to Mr. Gary Jewkes. Serioulsy. He thinks that.

Joshua said...

Oooh I just got shivers. That made me feel SO GOOD. THank you for the beautiful defense of the best "real" job on earth. Love you!! Nancy