HOW TO LOSE YOUR MIND IN 20 DAYS!

If my dream was to be an author or columnist I would write

a REALLY good column on "How to Lose Your Mind
In 20 Days". The movie would not star Kate Hudson and Matt McCon...
because they are way too good looking and unrealistic in a psycho
parent kind of way. Let me tell you, I would definitely make it into the
non-fiction section of New York Times Bestseller List!

Okay, this is the picture that haunts my dreams:
We embarked on our CRAZY journey as follows--
2 kids in the back seat, 3 in the middle, and Claire and me in the front.
Yes, you read that right, there was no way to access the kids in the back.
Crazy? Absolutely!

I should have read the stars or the omens or something when before the
trip even started, Luke came down with a really high fever then broke
into a mad rash. Cooper followed and then even I got it.
My head hurt so bad on the first day we drove that I was hallucinating
about Cafe Rio and Krispy Kreme donuts. Then I broke into a speckled rash.
It was so weird!

Okay. First two nights were spent in Dallas with Rachel and fam.
It was great...except the night time (You will find a repeating pattern
of terrible sleep throughout my saga--it's one of my themes.) I slept on the couch
and listened to my little Ethan scream his head off both nights.
I finally realized he had the family fever and doped him up on Motrin.
That boy was on fire! Here is his speckled body on the drive to
Albuquerque to visit Rebecca and fam for 2 nights:

The poor boy was covered in a hideous, deformed looking rash for 2/3 of the trip.
No one even told me my baby was cute. How sad is that?

Rebecca's house was fun also and we were treated to some amazing company,
outstanding food, and a lame movie ("Knowing"). Sleep was pretty
good there until I finally decided to see why
Ethan was screaming one night. I went in to see him under his
pack n' play mattress and sleeping/screaming on the bars.
It was really sad. I've since learned you can velcro the mattress down.
Clever people, those pack n' play makers!

Okay, then off to Brianhead where we had a pre-family
reunion reunion. Does that make sense?

It was really fun to see everyone and hang out with all. It's also where
I had my first breakdown. I was running on little sleep, a lot of
frustration, and no husband. I think I was justified.
I probably shouldn't have yelled at my dad for wanting to pick up
Luke and give him loves, but I did. It was all very rational
at the time. I apologized later, though.

We stayed in a wonderful cabin that had the most awkward set up. I was in
a room that was connected to another room that Claire and kids slept in.
My kids were good, but Ethan still had that fever and was
up for 2 of the 3 nights screaming his head off.
When there are 40 people sleeping in 1 cabin you have to run
at the first sound so you don't wake everyone up.
It was miserable and his fever seemed to be never-ending.
Mom (me) was losing patience--quickly.

We smored, we hiked, we hot tubbed, we biked, we swam, we ate, we laughed.
I cried.

Yeah, daddy came to play for a couple of days at our actual family reunion in
St. George. Look how excited we were!

It was really, really fun to see extended family again. It wasn't even that hot!!
We went to an amazing theatre called Touchan (or something).
We saw a so-so play, Footloose, but the setting was unbeatable!
The musical starred Thayne from SYTYCD season 4.
That was kind of cool.

This is where I experienced my 2nd breakdown. I won't say why--it was
too embarrassing. Just know that I cried again. How sad.

This is where it went downhill. My uncles set up
an amazing 4-wheeling trip through beautiful sand dunes.
Cooper was so funny, he would not part with this monstrous
helmet no matter what we bargained.

Oops! Jake was being not-so-smart. He flipped his 4 wheeler and bruised up his hip
real good. At least we think that's all that happened. He still gets
shooting pains through his leg. This is when I had to start
taking care of 1 more person instead of just the 3 babies.
(I am totally being dramatic because he was still very helpful but
it makes the story so much better to complain.)

Anyone ever night golfed? Totally fun!

Okay, we drove back up to Provo for a get together with the Hutchings fam.
Thanks so much to everyone who came and planned and provided.
Worst night so far. We slept with Coop and Luke in our room and several
others downstairs. Luke decided to wake up and scream bloody murder for hours on end.
Was I mad? Livid! I love my Luke but the boy has a will of iron.
He doesn't give up. If we tried to comfort him he'd scream louder.
Mad, mad, mad.
Through some miracle, Cooper didn't wake up. Jake and I attempted
to move rooms and sleep together in a twin bed.
I gave up and ended up making a bed on the floor.
I wasn't sleeping anyway with Lukey torturing my every thought.

Me, Jamie, Debbie (mom), Grandma. How cute!

Then Jake left and I was all alone again.
We drove up to Heber to spend a couple nights at the "Rustic Getaway" cabin.
Rustic it was! I had monster ants and bees in my room.
But, it was fun!!
By this time I was so use to not sleeping that I couldn't sleep
when I had the chance. The kids were pretty good except for a few
Ethan episodes. He was in the shower so everything echoed. Instead of
one baby crying, it was like three babies crying!

This is Cascade Springs, a cool natural springs area.

Check out those tat's!

Then off to Sundance to enjoy 2 nights in the fam cabin.
Night #1--Luke screamed his guts out from midnight to 2 am.
At 2 I went in to try and calm him down which only made the
screaming 4 times worse. None of the adults slept. My deepest apologies.

The second night I had my third and final breakdown. Bless her heart, a very well
intentioned friend/psychologist told me that I mothered all wrong.
That was not a very nice thing to say to me 2 and a half weeks into
a LONG trip. I cried. Actually, I sobbed and admitted I knew I wasn't a perfect mom.
But I try. I really do.

The good part-we did enjoy some fabulous food, wonderful shops, and a fun water
park while in Provo. Apparently cupcakes are all the
rage and I am way behind the time for not knowing that.
We had some cupcakes, some Cafe Rio, some Pizza Factory, some Main
Street Pizza, some ice cream, some of everything.
I love Provo!!

Then Claire and I drove the crew to CO for 3 nights of AMAZING
sleep! To be followed by a hotel in Missouri and then, finally, home again!

Do I regret the road trip? No.
Would I do it again? Ask me later.

p.s. In all of my adventures I threw away my phone (oops!)
so...send me your numbers so I can call you...someday!!